Screaming Under Wear Past and Present
by Amileerose
Summary: This story is COMPLETE. READ There is a naked James, screaming under wear Peter trys to hang him self with. A smart ass Lupin, A Sweet Lily and a gross Sirius, come and hear the story about one christmas in 1976


SCREAMNG UNDER WEAR PAST AND PRESENT By Ami lee Rose  
  
  
  
  
  
Author note: I don't any of the Harry Potter peeps but I own the plot. This is my first story and my first challenge. I would if you may, please review and some day I might get a normal story out here thank you and enjoy. Oh yeah if any of you have a challenge you would like me to write I would be glad to do. I'm always looking for a good challenge.  
  
My Challenge  
  
story had to be at least 7 pages long had to be rated pg-13 or higher Someone had to say I drop my penis on the floor can you help my find it. The story has to be about James, Lily, Lupin(Remus), Sirius , and Peter James has to run through the woods naked James and Sirius have to playful hit on each other Peter has to have a crush on Sirius Peter has to try to kill him self  
  
This challenge was given to me by Nora9112  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
It was yet another year at Hogwarts School of witchcraft and wizardry except is was winter break, and it was 1976.  
  
Lily Evans was sitting on the floor next to warm fireplace, talking to her new found boyfriend James Potter.  
  
"So what are you going to do this break ?" Lily asked not really waiting for answer, because she already knew James would be out side every day playing Quidditch and playing trick on the Slytherins with his three best friends; Sirius, Remus, and Peter.  
  
"Hey what's cracking my sexy bitches?" Sirius said enter the common room with what seemed to be chocolate smeared all over his face.  
  
"That's a wonderful shade for you Sirius. You have to tell me who does your make-up?" Lily giggled.  
  
"You like? I call it O'to Dog fur." Sirius laying his chocolate smudged head in Lily's lap, so he could look up at her and James.  
  
"Um Padfoot isn't she Prongs Girlfriend?" Wormtail, (AKA Peter) asked a little uneasily.  
  
"Yea, but what is his is mine and mine in mine too." Sirius said getting up and kissing Lily on the cheek.  
  
Remus, who was just standing in the middle of the common room, rolled his eyes. (Yeah not much but I had to let you know he was there too.)  
  
" What you don't love me any more? How could you do this to me? I gave you the best years of my life, and this is what I get. Fine I see how you really are. James said giving Sirius a fake pout.  
  
"Jamies, Jamies I have and will always love you. Now let's ditch the girl and go back to my place ((wink wink)) and I'll make every thing all right again."  
  
With that James and Sirius jumped to their feet giggling (yes they where giggle Nora) and ran up the their dorm room, slammed the door and lock it behind them.  
  
" Do you think Sirius is really?" Peter asked turn redder than Lily's hair.  
  
Remus rolled his eyes again and answered, " Peter how many times do I have to tell you James and Sirius are like brother, and you question me one more time I'm going to feed you to Snape my self !"  
  
" Hey you guys come up here." Lily called from the top of the stairs.  
  
Peter and Remus ran up the stairs as fast as Peter's legs would carry them. After putting Remus down, Peter asked, "What's wrong Lily?"  
  
"Look!"  
  
Afraid of what they might see, they both closed their eyes. After hearing what seem to be like pots being hit together, pillows being ripped and books going through glass, they both slowing opened their eyes to see, Prongs and Padfoot jumping from bed to bed, and yelling thing like; " Oh Baby, Yeah that's the spot," and "Get that thing out of my eye."  
  
"So that's what happen to all my Potions books. Who knew?" Remus said shrugging his shoulders.  
  
"McGoose is going to take a way more house points for our room being a mess again." Peter said looking down at his feet.  
  
Lily who bend down so she was the same height as Peter looked him in the eyes and asked. "Are you having those thoughts about you and McGonagall again?" She ending trying not to laugh her ass off.  
  
"If you are I don't want to hear about them! The last time you told me about you, McGoose and the feather duster, I couldn't eat, sleep, stay in class or clean my room for a whole week." Sirius said now entering the hallway.  
  
"Speaking of feather dusters, I'm hunger. Let go get some thing to eat." James said whapping some sweat from his forehead. " Because poking thing with your best friend will do that to you."  
  
"Well it almost breakfast, and if we get there first we can put some of this in Snapey-boys, food" Sirius said as he pulled a jar full of white slimy stuff out of his robes. ( I will leave up to you on what is in that jar) Every body else gave "I think I'm going to be sick" look.  
  
After fixing their hair, well James making his worse than it already was, they went down to get some thing to eat.  
  
" Hey do you think I should ask him now. You know asked Him to the Yule Ball " Peter said tugging on the back of Remus's robes. " I mean you are going to the ball with Nora ( Hee hee I got you Nora) and James is going with Lily and he is going with know as far as I know. So I mean I would be perfect for him, and we would be going to the ball alone."  
  
"You really don't value your life, and your head is hard as a rock and you have to learn some how and this would pay him back for dying my hair pink and blue before my first date with Nora. Okay if you believe your heart tells you it is right go rite a head." Remus said with a sly smile upon his face.  
  
After entering the Great Hall, Peter was walking very close to Sirius, with the sweetest smile he could get on that chubby round face of his.  
  
"Um, James I think he is doing it again, He has that look on his face and if he is it is your turn to clean it up. ((YUCK ( )) Sirius said a little worried and now moving slowly to the other side of James so he could get a way from Peter.  
  
As they sat down at the Gryffindor table they saw there wan even one Slytherin in the whole place.  
  
"Okay, I going to place the jar by Snape's plate, with this note I wrote and signed with the name of his crush Neo (Hee hee I got you too Neo) and when he spreads some of this stuff on his donut say this with me." Sirius stopped.  
  
"Say what with you?" Lily asked, now really wandering what was in the jar.  
  
"I didn't tell you?" He asked.  
  
"NO" they all yelled in unison.  
  
" Okay start to sing the theme song from the Smirfs, but only when you see he puts it on his donut." Sirius said with an evil light of hope in his eyes.(( PSS, did the smirfs have a theme song and where the even thought up in the 70's? Oh well)  
  
Sirius hit the floor and crawled across the cold wood, under tables and under chairs , knocking a few Hufflepuffs out of their chairs and on to the floor. ( Genesis says Sirius only wanted to look up skirts The Sick Basted) " Ow, Sirius Black. Damn ass hole." Said a 7th year Hufflepuff named Megan (( hehe I got you too Megan))  
  
Finally Sirius reached the Slytherin table, placed the jar right to where Snape would be sitting and skipped back the Gryffindor table.  
  
" Yeah like no one saw that!" Lily said placing her head in her hands.  
  
Right after Sirius sat down. The Slytherins walked into the Great Hall with the air of, We are better than the rest for you so you can all kiss our asses.  
  
A Slytherin 5th year girl named Genesis looked at the jar and said ( thought you could get a way huh Genesis( ) " What in the bloody hell is this muggle crap doing on my table" After putting the jar back on the table Genesis went over and sat down next to Neo.  
  
Snape enter and was there was a jar with a note for Neo on it . He read the note and then said " I love that girl."  
  
Snape took the jar, open it and spread some of the white stuff on to his donut and began to eat it. Over at the Gryffindor table you could hear five Gryffindor started to hum the Smirfs theme song.  
  
As if he no clue what he was doing, Snape jumped up on the table and started to yell " My penis is on the floor." Then turing to Luicuis and said "Help me find it."  
  
The rest of the Slytherin got up and moved a way from the table and wenr back to their common room.  
  
Peter sighed and look at Sirius, " Okay now is better than never" Peter told himself. " Sirius can I talk to you?" peter asked looking down at his toes.  
  
" Sure make it fast, because I don't want to mess this. This is the funniest thing I have ever seen. Beside dying Remus's hair pink and blue, and the look on that Ravenclaw Girl Nora's face." Sirius said with a sight of funniest thing in his brown eyes.  
  
"Um Sirius I've been keeping something in side of me for a long time and if I don't tell you I will die." Peter began.  
  
" Okay hurry up" Sirius said looking in to the Great Hall with Snape still on the table and now teacher where trying to get him of the table.  
  
" Sirius Black, I Peter Wormtail Petgrew love you and want you to go with me to the Yule Ball." Peter yelled at the top of his lungs.  
  
Every body who was looking at Snape was now looking a Sirius and Peter. With out thinking Sirius punched Peter in the arm, which threw Peter into a wall on the other side of the Great Hall.  
  
After saying something about taking a about taking a 5th year Gryffindor named Ami ( Me) to the ball. He ran back up to his room. Remus, James, and Lily all followed Sirius back up to the common room. They found Sirius in his room pulling apart a small doll.  
  
" Sirius. Honey. Dear. What are you doing? Lily asked as she set down next to Sirius.  
  
" She never talks to me that way." James said huffly to Remus , who just rolled his eyes.  
  
Sirius huffed and handed the doll to Lily , " I've been trying to kill Peter off for the last couple years. I have a bad feeling about him, I'm only nice to him because James and Remus won't let me feed him to Snape."  
  
"Hey I have an idea, I was saving it for Lily's birthday, but what the hell . Come on" James said signaling the others to follow him. They followed James out into the yard and then passed Hagrid's Hut. They followed James right up to the Forbidden Forest.  
  
"Okay , now close your eyes and open them when I say so" James told as he enter the forest.  
  
It was about 40 sec. when he said "So." They opened their eyes slowly to see James Potter running through the woods screaming at the top of his lungs. ( while he was butt naked) " Lily Theresa Evens, will you marry me?"  
  
Between laughing so hard and trying to breath Sirius and Remus answer for Lily who was now hiding her face, because it was a darker shade then her rose colored red hair. " Yes she will " Both boy said at the same time.  
  
James who was still showing it all to the world tried to leap over a fallen log but missed and he got him self in the Perdo ( It's really amazing that Harry was even born)  
  
"OW, That's going to hurt for a long time." Sirius said now holding his own balls inside his pocket.  
  
" Yeah , and Sirius don't play with those, we have a girl present ." Remus said closing his eyes.  
  
"But she gave them to me." Sirius said pulling out two small blue bouncey balls.  
  
" Um guys could you help me please." James said in a high pretty little girl voice. " I caught you and now I'm going to tell the head master about this and what you guys did to me a breakfast, and the stuff in the jar." Snape said stepping on James's Perdo.  
  
Snape whipped out her wand ( now think clean not that wand) and began to dial what seemed to be buttons no one could see." Yeah Hi. This is Snape." He said as though he was talking to a good friend.  
  
Meanwhile back at the Gryffindor common room Peter was trying to hang him self with Sirius's red and gold underwear that said ( I mean it really talked) " Go Gryffindor team go." And then named off all seven Gryffindor quidditch team players.  
  
"If I can't have Sirius, I'm going to take my self out of this world, and then he will realize how much he really did loved me." Peter said as he placed his head through one of the leg on the screaming under pants.  
  
Back at the woods. Snape and the Head Master where now talking to the four who where still trying to breath, ( well James trying to breath for a different reasons)  
  
" See I told you they where up to good, see James is but naked, and the spell they put on me this moring." Snape said matter-of-facly.  
  
" You can't blame us for James being naked, and how do you know about the whole jar thing any body could have done it." Sirius said sticking his tongue out at Snape .  
  
"Well," said the head master " Sirius your name was on the jar." He said handing the jar to Sirius.  
  
Sirius turned the jar upside-down and read " Sirius's Jar, Do not touch or I break your fingers. Love you, Sirius."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes and took the jar from Sirius and threw it behind her.  
  
" But it was Snape who put a spell on James, making him run through the forest with it all hanging out , and now I'll never have a son , who will some day kill you-know-who.' Lily said crossing her arms.  
  
" Well you are Lily Evans and you have never once covered up for the boys." Said the head master in a very off voice.  
  
" you can' t take her side she is James Potter' s girlfriend, and you caught them the other day snogging in your office." Snape said starting to cry.  
  
" Snape my office after classes, bring your feather duster. You got some "DUSTING" to do, and you four will get back to your common room and put some clothes on James." Said the head master as he was pulling Snape away by snape ear.  
  
" This is not fair. I'll get you some day. Lily Evans I'll get you.  
  
" Well come on let's get him back to the common room." Remus said putting a spell on James. The spell put thin ropes around him and he started to float behind Remus,Lily, and Sirius.  
  
On they way to the common room they joked and laugh about Snape, because laughing so hard James was now being bumped on the every other stair.  
  
As they enter the common room they found Peter with Sirius's still screaming under wear around his neck.  
  
"No don't do it, you'll find your place in life, even if it is to tell Voldie where Lily and I live and we end up dead, but than life. So please don't do it ." James said pulling him self off the floor and grabbing Peter off the chair and pulling off Sirius undies.  
  
" Hey I say let him do it" Lily and Sirius said at the same time.  
  
" If he dies, your son will be like every body else, and no one want to read a book about a boy who is like every body else. Plus no one would make millions of his story." Remus said with an all seeing voice.  
  
"OH" every said at the same time. " We see now. So that's why. Okay."  
  
" And you see Harry. That is why Peter told He-who-should-not-be-named, where your parents where. It was to get back a Sirius, just because Sirius wouldn't give him any." Dumbledore said as he closed the Hogwarts year book from 1976.  
  
Harry just look at Dumbledore, with a questioned look on his face, " Um yeah thanks I'll uses this info to help me in my next battle with Voldie, yeah um I'm going to meet Ron for lunch, um yeah bye."  
  
"Oh and Harry your dad never wore clothes tell his last day at Hogwarts. He even played Quidditch in the nude( yeah that has nothing to do with the story but hey what the hell), oh yeah here" Dumbledore said, as he handed Harry a package.  
  
Harry open to find the red and gold under wear that Peter had tied to kill him self with, and a card from sirius.  
  
" I hope you like them, push the button on the top and wear these at your next game. Love Sirius."  
  
Harry look at the under pants and then pushed the button, they started to scream, the Quidditch team for 1976 and then the under pants started to scream the name of Harry's Quidditch team members names.  
  
The moral of this story is : Always wash your screaming underwear. Because you never know who might want to hang them selves with them, or you never know who you might get them as a gift.  
  
Thank you and Merry Christmas. 


End file.
